I Dreamed of mama last night…

Sensitive content warning— #loss #grief #lament

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I dreamed of my mommy last night, 

only recalling her, hours later in the MorningAfter. 

I had to cry as dream washed over and through

And as I cried, I thought of you. 

Then I cried some more— 

For you — and me — and all of we

who’ve lost / surrendered —

our homes of genesis… 

our origins…

our mothers… 

(and their wombs and breasts and hands and laps and brows and shoulders 

and LovingEyes and 

LovelyLaughs). 

Coming to realize 

they’re Living and Loving on ... 

in our memory 

and practice 

of Them. 

 

In my dream you sleep 

turned slightly away from me and 

inward upon yourself

(a most unusual posture for you— 

maybe why I don’t recognize you… yet) 

As you slumber deep, I touch the curve of your shoulder turning gently toward me,

suddenly gasping softly “mama!” 

in shocked surprise (tho completely accepting as only DreamScapes can reconcile

and you turn to me, your soft face 

suddenly beneath my hand, curving over 

your beloved soft face. 

I think you blinked at me… 

Sleepily? Questioningly? as though, 

indeed you recognize me 

indeed… and yet?

Then, and again, you blink, 

your green-blue eyes shutter blank, 

And close again.

 

           I remember no more. 

 

Until this morning, 

when memory of your dream-ethereal-soft-shape snap-blinks my eyes wide open—

They fill quickly, 

responsive tears overflowing. 

There, they’re going…

Still overflowing,. 

Again, and again. 

And again. 

amen. 

( Written a couple months back— you- me- we)

Mama’s been strong on my mind these past few

 days. Talk of “thin places” and birthdays sans MamaPresence and then, Izzie died yesterday and sharing conversation with SisterSusie about that and it evokes such strong memory. 

Welp. I dreamed of our mama ( Mommy ) sleeping last night-- she was so-vividly *alive* (tho sleeping). It was her face, her body felt so real beneath my hands— that soft giving-ness of her body in repose. 

  I felt bereft when I recalled the dream this morning and had to cry some. 

And strangely comforted. 

I love you all. 💛💚💙